Lothatio stood tall and gaunt outside my window, totally naked, eyes pleading “Moz, you have to help me get my stuff back. You know how penniless I am. I’ll go naked forever and it will just lead to more problems.” Oh, the folly of the poor. It never ceases to amaze me how people with the least resources tend to get themselves all fucked up over dumb things. Still… if he stood there in the wet, cold night with his dick hanging out, some sly fox might already be poised to snatch it like a sausage. Some sly fox, or an Orc. Whatever.
I have no self-respect so of course I rousted, like the predictable lady oaf that I am. I gave him a sheet and he wrapped up like Julius Caesar and we were off. Lothatio knew to spare me the details of this latest catastrophe. His last explanation bored me literally to the point of fainting. I almost squished him. Poor fellow tries so hard to convince me that he is not scum, but the joke is on him because we are all scum. Every last one. Just tell me where to take the anarchy.
This particular situation warranted explanation. We went out east of town to a lake, whereby about 4 young girls were naked around a fire. It looked as if clothing were burning in the middle. Lothatio’s ratty garb, no doubt. The girls were unaware of us, as I had cast Pass Without Trace to hide, as I often do. When you are this large, the general tactic is intimidation… but being invisible and then suddenly present begets a new level of satisfaction in tense situations. It also keeps people from going immediately on the offense at the sight of me, abomination that I am.
Anyway these girls, all perfectly delicious specimens, were chanting some sort of spell. Something about severing the ties of love. It was clear at first sight that these were not wise or strong little witches. I found myself puzzled as to why I was there. Women were the thing Lothatio was best at. Usually these excursions were the result of lost wagers and unpaid debts. Still… Whatever it was was probably boring and his affects lay burning. I turned back toward the forest.
“Well, you might have to explain this one because I don’t know who to kill at the moment. You for waking me or those tiny witches”
“They seduced me, Moz. Fed me some potion that was… really effective. Really trippy like the cow patty mushrooms we found that one time. Next thing I knew, I was awake and drowning in this lake. It was all I could do to get them off of me. I pretended to drown and when they dragged me ashore, I made a run for it.”
“ Do you know any of them?”
“Not even a little bit. They bought me some drinks when they heard me singing in the pub.”
“Fair enough, you scoundrel. You had to know it was all too good to be true”
“Me and the drink, you know. It’s a shame. I’m ashamed.”
“Join the club”
I turned about to look and listen… Lothatio never lied to me. Not ever. Never even tried to lie to me. As you can see, in spite of our history,, he has no shame in leading me right down the trail of seed to his latest conquest. These girls might not be benign, as I initially expected. I knew that nothing I could do would bring back Lothatio’s possessions, which seemed to be my purpose.
“What do you want me to do now that your rags are burning?”
“Well maybe you can tell me what that babbling means… are they casting some curse on me? Moz, you know I don’t need anymore curses”
“ I could just kill you. They can’t hurt you if you’re dead.”
“Welp… I don’t think it’s prudent to kill a bunch of little girls over what appears to be a love spell.”
“ I think if you had better perception, you’d see that there’s more to this. I think I was being sacrificed and I don’t think a sacrifice is something you just allow to run away.”
“ Do you think they are waiting for you to die in the forest?”
Right then, the chanting from the fire stopped. We creeped closer and heard one of the girls say “Something is wrong Lillith. I feel him, but something is not right.”
“Indeed, child. I can feel it too”
“See what I mean? They are going to sacrifice me to the Jesus Dragon or something”
Looking more closely at Lillith, I could see she had a bright gold ring on her finger that seemed to glisten as the fire lapped. It looked as if it were too small, as her finger was a pale shade of blue. Suddenly, I got a bad feeling. I’ve never heard of a local cult engaging in human sacrifice before. Did they not know that humans taste bad? What god would want human meat? I could tell this was gonna become a whole thing.
I felt the familiar scramble of nerves within me. Erring on the side of caution, I decided to try an ensnaring strike before going in for questioning. The arrow struck. Vines erupted from the arrow upon impact, encasing her thin, pale body. The thorns burrowed in deep. She was going nowhere and she looked helplessly infuriated. So cute.
To Be Continued…